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My Favorite Way of Perverting My Higher Power’s Will

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mockingbirdonsign

 

 

I can delay my spiritual journey in a heartbeat.

I have always told myself that my prime desire was to be in my higher power’s will for me, and meant it. I looked high and low for the burning bush and the host of angels singing “ amazing grace” to point me the way.

I have prayed and meditated and wrote in my journal and asked for guidance and, since I was not born with the subtlety or discernment genes, many times I have been shown something akin to a burning bush.

But, here’s what I do with that miracle:

It starts with that quiet knowing that I should go this way, rather than that; I should take one simple step in faith. But, nooooooooooo, that’s not enough for me. I take that beautiful moment of revelation and impose my own meaning on it, because I still cannot really deal with “not knowing.”

I say to myself. “ This is for God. So it has to be perfect.”

“ This is for God, so it has to be a success, otherwise, who will know that it is for God?”

“I have to be a light and a life-raft to the whole world, because God want’s me to.”

I should on myself.

We should never should on ourselves. It’s cruel. It’s legalistic.

When I should on myself, I replace peace and confidence with fear, ambition, competition and the inevitable fear those things produce. I take myself by the hand and drag myself back to slavery to other people and their opinions. I take myself out of my Higher Power’s will. It is soo stupid, but I am human, so I practice the adage,

“If at first, you do not succeed, guilt and shame yourself, redouble your efforts, but never change your strategy.”

The truth sounds simple but it is anything but. The only way I can truly know if I am in His will is to be fully present and alert, yet peaceful, in each and every moment. Then I will see what I need to see and hear what I need to hear and have sense enough to pray for the strength to do it, or even more difficult, to do nothing and wait for clarification. The truth is that all my higher power wants for me, is my willingness to surrender each and every moment. Yik

Is There a Statute of Limitations to Sin in the age of the Internet?

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scalesofjustice2Today, I read Monica Lewinsky’s piece in Vanity Fair… was surprised…and then I read it again. I have to admit, I was not initially open to what she had to say, but she got me thinking about some larger issues: like forgiveness and the internet.

With the Internet and social media, sin has no statute of limitations. There is no expiration date, where everyone forgets, forgives and gets on with their lives, allowing the “sinner” to get on with theirs. In this fishbowl climate, where character defects are dissected under a microscope, live forever and can literally be resurrected by the push of a button for new generations to “enjoy”, what does forgiveness mean?

The first time I read Lewinsky’s piece, it seemed strident and defensive. But, the second time I read it, I heard the terror in her tone; the terror that she would never get her life back, that she would never be perceived as redeemed or forgiven. I heard the plea for forgiveness, and to live and let live, as all of us get ready for the next presidential election, and the inevitable mud- slinging and dirt- gathering ensues.

In the law, the statute of limitations is a date beyond which someone accused of wrongdoer cannot be prosecuted or sued in civil court. Forgiveness and mercy are built in, except for murder.

Positive branding creates markets, publicity, empires and riches, but what about negative branding? What about negative branding against a person’s will? What must it be like to be branded “ America’s Premier BJ Queen” at 20 and still have to talk about it at 40? She did something really stupid at the age of 20. Monumentally stupid. But she didn’t murder anyone.

This person is now a 40-year-old grown woman, who if the article is any indicator, is intelligent, articulate and has been trying to do better. If I believe that God lives in each of us, then he lives in people who do monumentally stupid things. If I focus on the mud instead of the brilliant piece of God underneath, aren’t I kind of denying that piece exists? I’m not in prison or dead right now because my acts of youthful stupidity were forgotten with the passage of time. I got to grow up. Let’s forget the BJ Queen.

 

Goodreads Book Giveaway in progress

Undamned, My Escape from the Old Testament

by L.E. Kinzie

giveaway details at Goodreads.

Why I Wrote the Book

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skypath

 

Have you ever felt urged by God to do something so profoundly that no matter how far you ran, there it was? That’s what happened to me. No matter what rock I tried to hide under, the word and the concept Undamned  and the idea of escape was waiting for me.

 

There seems to be a growing tide of hurting Christians and religious refugees out there. There are so many that, to me, it has become a lost tribe. There are so many of these refugees that terms like “Religious PTSD” and “Post Traumatic Church Disorder” are being bandied about.

I have always been a Christian and a church- goer, so I am far from anti- church. But, I have always had a special place in my heart for this hurting tribe and have always wondered “what has happened to the Golden Rule, love your neighbor as yourself?”

Then I became one of these injured people.  I had to find an escape. What I believed and how I believed it, was not freeing me. It was crippling me and holding me back. My spirit and soul had been severed from my religion by the experience of being judged, labeled and told how I should be in Church and who I should be in my heart and soul. I felt like a commodity.

Since I was afraid for a period of time to go to church to heal the wounds, I had to work out a plan to heal and recover from my religious addiction on my own. I had to look carefully at what I believed and why I believed it. What I had been told, I found was often not true. I had to go back to the Source document itself and see which of my beliefs were from Jesus and which were from somewhere else. In the process I developed tools to heal, find the truth and spiritually detox. The plan worked for me. I hoped it would work for others. I wrote the book to share it, but also for a reason that is not so pretty.

I had always been a spiritual wuss.

As I wrote it, I realized, that I had let others tell me what I believed as an act of cowardice, because it prevented me from examining what I really believed and boldly declaring it. I never had to stand up for my beliefs because I didn’t know what they were. The process of writing gave me the gift of clarity and I felt God urging me to finally stand up and be counted.

I am still shaking in my boots just a little bit, but here I am: My soul and my Lord have no color, sex, no party affiliation, no limits and no labels, nor would I impose any of those limits on anyone else. I am here to love and care for my fellow man. To have empathy for him and maybe win him to Christ by my life and behavior, but not to judge, condemn or hate him if he does not choose to go my way. People judged me and they were wrong. It is up to God to judge. I’m just gonna love ya.

 

. “Clean your finger, before you point out my spots”

Benjamin Franklin

 

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Undamned, My Escape from the Old Testament

by L.E. Kinzie

Giveaway ends in 22 days (June 08, 2014)

25 copies available,
giveaway details »

Enter to win

 

 

Two Reasons I Celebrate My Escape From the Old Testament Today

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Today, looking towards Cinco de Mayo, I celebrate my Escape and Emancipation from the Old Testament, because the differences are so dramatic. Today’s as good as any other day to celebrate.

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ME BEFORE ESCAPE AND EMANCIPATION

Spiritual Sadsack and Religious addict

Professional Perfectionist and Failure

   Afraid of Everything and Everyone

       Heroine of victim Story

         Approval Junky and Poll-taker

           Judged by Everyone

           Judged Everyone

               Arrogant with an inferiority complex

                     God’s mistake.

ME AFTER ESCAPE AND EMANCIPATION

Redeemed

Joyous

   Unencumbered

     Chainless and Shameless

         Undamned

           Undimmed

             God’s precious child

                 Right-Sized compared to fellow man

          Victorious!

 

 

The best and most wonderful part of this process is that I am no longer ashamed. I am not ashamed of me, because I am imperfect. I celebrate that fact because God created me to be imperfect on purpose! He created me that way so that I would never stop coming to him for guidance, help, strength, wisdom, or forgiveness of myself and others. I will never stop needing or drawing ever closer to my creator because he created me and us as a gift to himself. It took me so long to take this concept in. I will never stop growing, blooming and my roots will never stop reaching closer and closer towards the source of everything.

IMG_2259A couple of years ago I suffered a very severe concussion in a car accident. In some ways, I am not the same. But, not this, nor anything else can ever tear me from the love of my creator- ever.

I am undamned. Nothing can stop me from his will, his path, his peace that passes all understanding. Nothing.